Positive parenting is based on the idea that all kids born are good, and the way you nurture them is what they become.
A kid born is like a blank book and it is the parent, or the care giver who is responsible for what is to be written in the book.
” Positive parenting is focused mainly on a good or positive relationship between the child and the care giver (not necessarily a parent) and depends on good communication and mutual respect between the two.”
Yelling, shouting, hitting, spanking will never help you achieve what you want to with a child. This will make the child more stubborn, unreasonable and even immune to things. Instead what is important is making the child sit with you and explain to the child in a loving and a more tender way that this behavior is a little inappropriate.
But will the child sit with you at the very moment when he or she is already overwhelmed by so many emotions??
The answer to this is “NO”.
- So, how and when does the positive parenting start?
- Benefits of positive parenting
- A good bonding with your child
- A more confident child with high self esteem
- Less behavioral problems
- Better mental health
- Better grades at school
- Socializing Better
- More positivity to the parent
- More independent
- Does positive parenting work?
So, how and when does the positive parenting start?
It starts right after birth.
The other day at the park a mother asked me, “What did you talk to your new born about?” as she mentioned that she didn’t talk much to her child at least till the age of 2 years.
Here is where we are going wrong, talking to a new born, replying to every little noise an infants makes, appreciating them for a small move, singing to them, cuddling with them, is what marks the beginning of Positive Parenting.
During infancy kids do not just take out noises but they start exploring their environment and during this time the memory starts to develop along with the language. If they hear you they will try to pick up words and remember them. They will recognize the touch and the way you hold them and kiss them, this is why they can recognize their mother or the care giver and differentiate it from any other person who might be holding them.
Reading to your baby right during the infancy is one of the ways of positive parenting. They will listen to your voice, try to recognize it and find your voice soothing.
Yes being a parent is tough and tiring and they are little yet, but playing with them even during that time is what will make your relationship even more closer to them.
Positive parenting does not involve you to be submissive, instead it teaches your child to do the right thing, not because you have asked them to, but because they can make out what is the right thing to do.
Benefits of positive parenting
It is not very hard if you begin positive parenting from the beginning, it comes with a lot of benefits and less struggles for your child.
A good bonding with your child
Positive parenting ensures a positive conversation with the child, and this positive conversation is what strengthens the bond. The child feels more comfortable, shares more with you, especially when he or she is a teenager, you become a friend to them and you are approachable.
Teenagers most of the times hate to share much with their parents. But if your foundation with them has been positive they will not hesitate to come to you and will ask you questions, tell you their personal stuff and even share their problems with you. You will be aware about all that is happening in their life, without asking much. You might be their go to person. This will also help them in trusting people, and having better relationships in the future.
A more confident child with high self esteem
Positive parenting helps in raising a child with a high self esteem and more confidence.
The child will value his or her opinion more, because you have given importance to the same thing while raising the child.
The child will feel more confident in his thoughts and ideas, as you have helped the child to do so.
The child will give importance to his or her well being (taking care of others as well), because he or she has learnt it from you.
The child will be able to take the age appropriate decisions on their own, because you have taught them to do so.
Raising a child with more of positive reinforcement and less of punishment will help in increasing the confidence level, self esteem and also make the child more happy. They will have a sense that you trust them no matter what. The build in trust is very important in strengthening the child and parent relationship. And once the relationship is strong, the lives get more peaceful, happy and content.
So, raising a kid with positive parenting lead to their overall growth and help them to be a positive and good individual as a whole.
Less behavioral problems
If you follow positive parenting you are bound to get less behavioral problems, because your child will know and understand what is right and what is wrong. And in case the child is still confused it will take less time and effort for you to explain it to the child and make the child understand.
There is a better emotional growth with positive parenting. This will further help in raising a child who understands better, who cares more, who responds better and who understands things better.
Often we see children of the same age reacting differently at a situation. Many will say there is the difference in nature of both the kids. But I would say there is a difference in the way they have been brought up.
Imagine there are two kids in the mall asking their parents to get them a toy. Both the parents refuse. The first parent calmly explains it to the child, looking into her eyes, that ” you already have so many of them, and according to me, you do not need more, rest you decide.” The child thinks for a moment and says, ” it is okay daddy, I understand, I will not buy it” and happily moves ahead with her dad.
On the other hand the other kids dad just tells her, “No, we are not buying it”, and moves ahead. The child starts throwing a tantrum, is crying on top of her voice, and the dad is just dragging her to another place and asking her to be quite.
The first example here was positive parenting with less behavior problems. It is true and it happens, the kids raised that way understand things better. Trust me it is not a myth.
Better mental health
When there is positive parenting, there is time in and not time out, there is positive reinforcement not punishment, there is communication, love, trust, decision making and lot of more positivity in the child’s life.
With so much of positivity comes happiness.
With happiness comes better metal health.
Better grades at school
A child who has been raised with positive parenting, will be a much happier child, and a happier child can concentrate in all the activities better, finish all the home work, answer questions better, and even participate better.
There is no use yelling at the child all the time and asking to study or finish the home work. Instead fix a time, make a routine, give the child proper place to sit and do his or her work and let there be silence. Let the child be pressure free. If the child wants your help, or wants to ask any questions, you should be available.
Positive parenting has led kids to have a positive social life as well. YES, due to the pandemic when the kids could not go out and have any human contact it was a bouncer. But as the life normalizes, and children have started going out, the socializing will improve. And with positive parenting it will take less time and effort.
The other day, when my daughter and I had gone to the park for our evening outdoor time, there were a lot of kids playing in the new outdoor gym at the park. So, we went there but looking at the crowd she was so hesitant that for a second I felt she had tears in her eyes. I thought she is afraid of one of the kid there, as they were all elder to her. I took her from there, sat on the bench near by, took her in my lap, and communicated with her.
I asked her what was bothering her, and she said she doesn’t know and is just not comfortable. I asked her if she would hold my hand and want to try going there again, she thought for few seconds and said yes. We went, she felt better, tried a few things, even made friends, and then we came back.
If I would have pushed her, she would have started crying. If I would have not spoken to her, her anxiety would not have gone.
So, positive parenting worked for me.
More positivity to the parent
The child is happy, there is no confusion or chaos as the child understands things better. There will be less work to do. The parents would be less tired and therefore it is a win win.
The parents as well as the child will be less stressful and therefore more positive.
More positive parents have better family life, and they raise their kids even better.
A child who has been raised with positive parenting becomes independent sooner. This is because you have been asking the child to take their own decisions. Once they start taking the small decisions they will soon be able to take the bigger ones as well. They know that you are there to look up for them if they fall, or have any kind of trouble. They have trust in you as a parent.
Does positive parenting work?
Reacting to a child’s misbehavior is not positive parenting.
Preventing the misbehavior to happen in the first place is what is required.
YES! Positive parenting works.
If you do not give time and attention to your child, your child will ask for it one or the other. He or she will throw tantrums or call you again and again for something they can do even on their own, just to get your attention.
So, it depends on you. If you are are consistent, you do not confuse the child, show trust in the child, let the child decide, use time in rather that time out, focus on positive reinforcement and all the other things that you can do to build a positive bond with your child, positive parenting will work.
All that is required is a lit bit of patience and positivity.
Also Read: 15 Positive Parenting Tips!
This blog provides general information about positive parenting. The opinion and content on this blog is only for conversational purposes and should not be interpreted as medical advice pertaining to any particular individual. If the reader or any other person has a medical concern, he or she should consult with an appropriate licensed medical physician or a health care provider.